So.....

I just thought that I was getting everything back together, school, work, money, and friends, but then the bomb went off. I had just learned to manage each of them and then my friends just seemed to push me or they don't want to reach out and try to talk to me. I do reach and try but then something happens and i get pushed right back away farther than before. I have tried to watch what i say and do, and try to be a better friend but it doesn't seem like this is helping. It is sad that I have to start finding new people to talk to and hang with cause none of my old friends ever want me around. I don't have much voice when I talk to them and most of the time I am just talked over and it really makes me sick. My old and (what i thought) true friend seems to be the one who doesn't want me around. This past weekend was the proof of it because she didn't talk to me at all and Sunday night she and the other girl I hang with on my floor went to dinner and didn't even invite me. This kinda told me that I wasn't wanted and wasn't even valuable tot hem. It seems that if I am not around I am considered to be not considered. The famous phrase "out of sight, out of mind." I know I can't ask that they always think of me and be around me but I just want them to know that I am (or was) a friend that is still alive and wants to hang with everyone as well. I am just hoping that this is not the end of the friendship and that they don't cut me out completely. I know that sounds harsh but that is where I see this heading. I just ask that you pray that I do what I need and say what is best and helpfully I can make this better and not loose them.

I know that the last two posts have been sad but I just hope that getting this out of my head and onto paper would just help me think better.

UGH!!!!!

I will start out on a good note...My sermon went well. My youth pastor gave me good comments and everyone afterwards said pretty much the same thing. I hope to eventually get the voice recording my youth pastor did for me on her so u could listen and then put up the slide show to follow but that might not be for a long time.

To the real reason why I am posting another blog is this:

Pray for me I am having a hard time making ends meet. I got a job that pays well, I have a car that is working fine, but the money is going to that car and the gas it eats. I hate not knowing how far my next check will last. I have stopped going home and I am only going home on 3-day weekends and breaks (which adds up to be once a month). I have gas ($55 a tank), insurance, and a $1,000 bill to pay off, and this is all not counting school stuff. I have just hit my last string having to deal with it. Though of course that is not the only problem.

On top of money I have a problem with my schedule. I go to classes all day then work two to four hours on top of that, which usually leaves me with being tired and not wanting to do anything. That means I dont get homework done. Not a good thing.

Then I also feel like I am lossing contact with my friends because I never get to see them. So that means I never know what they are doing and can never go out with them because I have no money. There are some days that I never see them other than chapel. Life has just gotten so busy and I cant do anything about it without hurting another area in my life.

It is hard to wake up everyday knowing that life doesn't seem to be getting better. I know that unless God does a miracle I am stuck in this situation till school is over. And I am dead serious about that.

Just lift up a prayer for strength and guidance. I just need higher help. Thank you all and love you all.

Second Semester Sophomore

It has started up again. That wonderful school season. Today was my first day of classes for the semester. Classes are in full swing and so is homework. I have only been in four classes and I have 40 pages to read, a little assignment to do, and a 6 pager to start working on. I am happy that I can start the semester with a good bunch of friends and many close friends in the same class as me.

I guess I will start by talking about yesterday which was registration for the semester. That part went well, but not as well as I would have liked. I got to the desk and found out that the $1,00 extra loan I was awarded did not show up on my account, this meant that I could not use the extra money from the award for books until it showed up. This also meant that I would have to wait a day before getting books and that I had a less chance of getting the book I needed for my classes. After registration and lunch were over it was time for me to get ready for a job interview at a childcare center. I showed up to the interview 30 minutes before it was scheduled, so I just sat in my car reading until the proper time accord. When I walked in the nice lady who greeted me said that the head director (who i was meeting) was not there yet and should be back soon. So I was taken down stairs to do some paperwork that was part of the interview. It took me an hour to do the paperwork (reason it was a survey of over 200 questions) and still the director had not shown up yet. After a few more minutes she did arrive and apologized for being so late. The interview went great(even though it was interrupted by a very important phone call and a needed run to talk with the rest of the employes in the building) but it was nice to talk with her and really see what was required and needed for the job. Eventually I did return back to campus 3 hours later.

When I returned I immediately took my broken, worthless, messed up (can u tell how much I hate it right now) laptop to IT (that is pronounced "I" and "T" not it) so they could fix it for me and do what I pay $900 a year for. I will tell u that my laptop has been broken for over 2 weeks now and is driving me crazy cause I have to live off other peoples computer. When I gave them my broken one they wanted to give me a spare but were to busy handing out computers to new students, so i said I would come back the next day when it is less busy.

That was pretty much my day from 8 a.m. all the way to 6 p.m, with a few minor details missing. But let me tell u about today.

Today started out with me waking up at 7 a.m. to reset my alarm 7:20 a.m. for more needed sleep, but did wake up to the alarm and got ready for the day. The day started with a 8:30 class that went till 9:45, then it was chapel. I do not remember what Dr. Meyers spoke about, but that was because I was writing my own sermon (he gave me a thought and I had to write it down or it would be lost forever). Quick lunch at the Back Porch, then off to my 11:30 class that let out early so I had a few minute break to relax and eat what I wasn't able to before the class. Next it was off to my 1:00 class with a few friends who have it with me. When I was out of that class it was over to the registrar's office to meet with her and see if the loan showed up and if I can get a voucher for books. Thankfully it was in so it was off the the bookstore to get the needed textbooks for all of my classes. I was only able to get the books for two of my classes, reason 1 class didn't need a book (thank God for PE classes), another I was advised not to buy the book, and the last two were out, but there is hope one friend is going to give me her book and then I only have to buy one last one. Finally it was off to get my spare laptop so I could do work needed this week. The maxing guys in IT set e up with a good looking and working dell. I was very happy that I had a working laptop and really felt relieved. When I got in my room I sat the spare laptop down on my desk. I opened it and it started up, but........................the screen was black (UGH). I AM CURSED!!!!!!! COMPUTERS HATE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so upset that the laptop wouldn't work. Well all that was left for today is my 3 hour night class but it should be fun.

LUV YA'LL!! Hope to post again soon.

the barbarian way

a paragraph from a book i have been reading
"To have the Spirit of God dwelling within the heart of someone who chooses a domesticated faith is like having a tiger trapped within a cage. You are not intended to be a spiritual zoo where people can look at God in you from a safe distance. You are a jungle where the Spirit roams wild and free in your life. You are the recipient of the God who cannot be tamed and of a faith that must not be tamed. You are no longer a prisoner of time and space, but a citizen of the kingdom of God - a resident of the barbarian tribe. God is not a sedative that keeps you calm and under control by dulling your senses. Ho does quite the opposite. He awakens your spirit to be truly alive."
-Erwin Raphael McManus in The Barbarian Way: unleash the untamed faith within

Pictures from Sunday

Meant to up load these along time ago they are from the first weekend of school. we walked around campus and took pictures, then we went to a national park that had big rocks and took pictures there.