So.....

I just thought that I was getting everything back together, school, work, money, and friends, but then the bomb went off. I had just learned to manage each of them and then my friends just seemed to push me or they don't want to reach out and try to talk to me. I do reach and try but then something happens and i get pushed right back away farther than before. I have tried to watch what i say and do, and try to be a better friend but it doesn't seem like this is helping. It is sad that I have to start finding new people to talk to and hang with cause none of my old friends ever want me around. I don't have much voice when I talk to them and most of the time I am just talked over and it really makes me sick. My old and (what i thought) true friend seems to be the one who doesn't want me around. This past weekend was the proof of it because she didn't talk to me at all and Sunday night she and the other girl I hang with on my floor went to dinner and didn't even invite me. This kinda told me that I wasn't wanted and wasn't even valuable tot hem. It seems that if I am not around I am considered to be not considered. The famous phrase "out of sight, out of mind." I know I can't ask that they always think of me and be around me but I just want them to know that I am (or was) a friend that is still alive and wants to hang with everyone as well. I am just hoping that this is not the end of the friendship and that they don't cut me out completely. I know that sounds harsh but that is where I see this heading. I just ask that you pray that I do what I need and say what is best and helpfully I can make this better and not loose them.

I know that the last two posts have been sad but I just hope that getting this out of my head and onto paper would just help me think better.

UGH!!!!!

I will start out on a good note...My sermon went well. My youth pastor gave me good comments and everyone afterwards said pretty much the same thing. I hope to eventually get the voice recording my youth pastor did for me on her so u could listen and then put up the slide show to follow but that might not be for a long time.

To the real reason why I am posting another blog is this:

Pray for me I am having a hard time making ends meet. I got a job that pays well, I have a car that is working fine, but the money is going to that car and the gas it eats. I hate not knowing how far my next check will last. I have stopped going home and I am only going home on 3-day weekends and breaks (which adds up to be once a month). I have gas ($55 a tank), insurance, and a $1,000 bill to pay off, and this is all not counting school stuff. I have just hit my last string having to deal with it. Though of course that is not the only problem.

On top of money I have a problem with my schedule. I go to classes all day then work two to four hours on top of that, which usually leaves me with being tired and not wanting to do anything. That means I dont get homework done. Not a good thing.

Then I also feel like I am lossing contact with my friends because I never get to see them. So that means I never know what they are doing and can never go out with them because I have no money. There are some days that I never see them other than chapel. Life has just gotten so busy and I cant do anything about it without hurting another area in my life.

It is hard to wake up everyday knowing that life doesn't seem to be getting better. I know that unless God does a miracle I am stuck in this situation till school is over. And I am dead serious about that.

Just lift up a prayer for strength and guidance. I just need higher help. Thank you all and love you all.