So.....

I just thought that I was getting everything back together, school, work, money, and friends, but then the bomb went off. I had just learned to manage each of them and then my friends just seemed to push me or they don't want to reach out and try to talk to me. I do reach and try but then something happens and i get pushed right back away farther than before. I have tried to watch what i say and do, and try to be a better friend but it doesn't seem like this is helping. It is sad that I have to start finding new people to talk to and hang with cause none of my old friends ever want me around. I don't have much voice when I talk to them and most of the time I am just talked over and it really makes me sick. My old and (what i thought) true friend seems to be the one who doesn't want me around. This past weekend was the proof of it because she didn't talk to me at all and Sunday night she and the other girl I hang with on my floor went to dinner and didn't even invite me. This kinda told me that I wasn't wanted and wasn't even valuable tot hem. It seems that if I am not around I am considered to be not considered. The famous phrase "out of sight, out of mind." I know I can't ask that they always think of me and be around me but I just want them to know that I am (or was) a friend that is still alive and wants to hang with everyone as well. I am just hoping that this is not the end of the friendship and that they don't cut me out completely. I know that sounds harsh but that is where I see this heading. I just ask that you pray that I do what I need and say what is best and helpfully I can make this better and not loose them.

I know that the last two posts have been sad but I just hope that getting this out of my head and onto paper would just help me think better.