So.....

I just thought that I was getting everything back together, school, work, money, and friends, but then the bomb went off. I had just learned to manage each of them and then my friends just seemed to push me or they don't want to reach out and try to talk to me. I do reach and try but then something happens and i get pushed right back away farther than before. I have tried to watch what i say and do, and try to be a better friend but it doesn't seem like this is helping. It is sad that I have to start finding new people to talk to and hang with cause none of my old friends ever want me around. I don't have much voice when I talk to them and most of the time I am just talked over and it really makes me sick. My old and (what i thought) true friend seems to be the one who doesn't want me around. This past weekend was the proof of it because she didn't talk to me at all and Sunday night she and the other girl I hang with on my floor went to dinner and didn't even invite me. This kinda told me that I wasn't wanted and wasn't even valuable tot hem. It seems that if I am not around I am considered to be not considered. The famous phrase "out of sight, out of mind." I know I can't ask that they always think of me and be around me but I just want them to know that I am (or was) a friend that is still alive and wants to hang with everyone as well. I am just hoping that this is not the end of the friendship and that they don't cut me out completely. I know that sounds harsh but that is where I see this heading. I just ask that you pray that I do what I need and say what is best and helpfully I can make this better and not loose them.

I know that the last two posts have been sad but I just hope that getting this out of my head and onto paper would just help me think better.

UGH!!!!!

I will start out on a good note...My sermon went well. My youth pastor gave me good comments and everyone afterwards said pretty much the same thing. I hope to eventually get the voice recording my youth pastor did for me on her so u could listen and then put up the slide show to follow but that might not be for a long time.

To the real reason why I am posting another blog is this:

Pray for me I am having a hard time making ends meet. I got a job that pays well, I have a car that is working fine, but the money is going to that car and the gas it eats. I hate not knowing how far my next check will last. I have stopped going home and I am only going home on 3-day weekends and breaks (which adds up to be once a month). I have gas ($55 a tank), insurance, and a $1,000 bill to pay off, and this is all not counting school stuff. I have just hit my last string having to deal with it. Though of course that is not the only problem.

On top of money I have a problem with my schedule. I go to classes all day then work two to four hours on top of that, which usually leaves me with being tired and not wanting to do anything. That means I dont get homework done. Not a good thing.

Then I also feel like I am lossing contact with my friends because I never get to see them. So that means I never know what they are doing and can never go out with them because I have no money. There are some days that I never see them other than chapel. Life has just gotten so busy and I cant do anything about it without hurting another area in my life.

It is hard to wake up everyday knowing that life doesn't seem to be getting better. I know that unless God does a miracle I am stuck in this situation till school is over. And I am dead serious about that.

Just lift up a prayer for strength and guidance. I just need higher help. Thank you all and love you all.

Second Semester Sophomore

It has started up again. That wonderful school season. Today was my first day of classes for the semester. Classes are in full swing and so is homework. I have only been in four classes and I have 40 pages to read, a little assignment to do, and a 6 pager to start working on. I am happy that I can start the semester with a good bunch of friends and many close friends in the same class as me.

I guess I will start by talking about yesterday which was registration for the semester. That part went well, but not as well as I would have liked. I got to the desk and found out that the $1,00 extra loan I was awarded did not show up on my account, this meant that I could not use the extra money from the award for books until it showed up. This also meant that I would have to wait a day before getting books and that I had a less chance of getting the book I needed for my classes. After registration and lunch were over it was time for me to get ready for a job interview at a childcare center. I showed up to the interview 30 minutes before it was scheduled, so I just sat in my car reading until the proper time accord. When I walked in the nice lady who greeted me said that the head director (who i was meeting) was not there yet and should be back soon. So I was taken down stairs to do some paperwork that was part of the interview. It took me an hour to do the paperwork (reason it was a survey of over 200 questions) and still the director had not shown up yet. After a few more minutes she did arrive and apologized for being so late. The interview went great(even though it was interrupted by a very important phone call and a needed run to talk with the rest of the employes in the building) but it was nice to talk with her and really see what was required and needed for the job. Eventually I did return back to campus 3 hours later.

When I returned I immediately took my broken, worthless, messed up (can u tell how much I hate it right now) laptop to IT (that is pronounced "I" and "T" not it) so they could fix it for me and do what I pay $900 a year for. I will tell u that my laptop has been broken for over 2 weeks now and is driving me crazy cause I have to live off other peoples computer. When I gave them my broken one they wanted to give me a spare but were to busy handing out computers to new students, so i said I would come back the next day when it is less busy.

That was pretty much my day from 8 a.m. all the way to 6 p.m, with a few minor details missing. But let me tell u about today.

Today started out with me waking up at 7 a.m. to reset my alarm 7:20 a.m. for more needed sleep, but did wake up to the alarm and got ready for the day. The day started with a 8:30 class that went till 9:45, then it was chapel. I do not remember what Dr. Meyers spoke about, but that was because I was writing my own sermon (he gave me a thought and I had to write it down or it would be lost forever). Quick lunch at the Back Porch, then off to my 11:30 class that let out early so I had a few minute break to relax and eat what I wasn't able to before the class. Next it was off to my 1:00 class with a few friends who have it with me. When I was out of that class it was over to the registrar's office to meet with her and see if the loan showed up and if I can get a voucher for books. Thankfully it was in so it was off the the bookstore to get the needed textbooks for all of my classes. I was only able to get the books for two of my classes, reason 1 class didn't need a book (thank God for PE classes), another I was advised not to buy the book, and the last two were out, but there is hope one friend is going to give me her book and then I only have to buy one last one. Finally it was off to get my spare laptop so I could do work needed this week. The maxing guys in IT set e up with a good looking and working dell. I was very happy that I had a working laptop and really felt relieved. When I got in my room I sat the spare laptop down on my desk. I opened it and it started up, but........................the screen was black (UGH). I AM CURSED!!!!!!! COMPUTERS HATE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so upset that the laptop wouldn't work. Well all that was left for today is my 3 hour night class but it should be fun.

LUV YA'LL!! Hope to post again soon.

the barbarian way

a paragraph from a book i have been reading
"To have the Spirit of God dwelling within the heart of someone who chooses a domesticated faith is like having a tiger trapped within a cage. You are not intended to be a spiritual zoo where people can look at God in you from a safe distance. You are a jungle where the Spirit roams wild and free in your life. You are the recipient of the God who cannot be tamed and of a faith that must not be tamed. You are no longer a prisoner of time and space, but a citizen of the kingdom of God - a resident of the barbarian tribe. God is not a sedative that keeps you calm and under control by dulling your senses. Ho does quite the opposite. He awakens your spirit to be truly alive."
-Erwin Raphael McManus in The Barbarian Way: unleash the untamed faith within

Pictures from Sunday

Meant to up load these along time ago they are from the first weekend of school. we walked around campus and took pictures, then we went to a national park that had big rocks and took pictures there.

Half way there

I can't belive that the semester is almost over we have hit the half way mark and all are getting ready for the next semester. So much has happened and I can't believe that it all has happened I have made so many new friends on my floor and in my classes. I have pretty much enjoyed every class and I am not doing to bad in the classes. There are some I wish I had a better grade and was doing better but I am passing.

I just wanted to give ya'll an update because this probably will be the last one for a long time. I may get a chance to post something over break but that is the closest time I cna think. Oh here is a picture of me, amanda, and courtney dressed for the harvest fest here at school.

Photos

These are just a few pictures of me and my friends having fun. I just ask that you pray that each of will grow closer to God and each other. There is one picture that is not of a close friend and it has a funny story to it.

This was the time we had one person to many so he decided to ride in the trunk.

Roomie

To Early

Answer this question for me, if you can. WHY DO COLLEGE'S HAVE CLASSES BEFORE 9:00AM? I have a class at 7:55am and in order to get ready I have to get up no later than 7:00am. Unfortunately, I have to take my laptop and play small games on it to stay awake. I have a cup full of fresh coffee and eat a chewy bar to also help me stay awake. I tend to find myself in another world quite often. And when the professor notices that I am staring at the screen to long he will start to walk my way and I will look at him. I find it hard to stay awake and focus on the professor and the subject. I feel really bad when I start to drift and loose focus, I feel bad for my friends I sit with and the professor because I am not paying attention. The reason why I asked the question is really what am I getting out of a class that early when you know that I am not the only one who is not paying attention.

I am also finding it hard to do my homework and pretty much all of it is reading. I am not a strong reader ao that really doesnt help. I have tried to kick myself in the butt and get moving, but nothting happens. I ask that you pray that I getmoving and not fall behind.

Week thought

Ok so Amanda my best friend from last year is my roommate this year and she brought along two new people to the campus, her boyfriend Joe and friend Andrew. They are both so much fun and are both great people. Well they were learning my name and Amanda had them call me Mother which is my nick name from last year. The one day while were driving somewhere Joe mentions that he really didnt know my real name just my nick name. He is having so much fun with both of my names and some of the things he comes up with are really funny. He has this thing that he wants to start calling me "mom" or "mommy" and that really bugs me cause thats what i call my mom so I cant see someone (or atleast not yet) call me the same thing. Today I walked out to hang with the group and he says "hey mom" and i gave him the look and then he asks "can i call you moma, because its like putting mom and the a from ashley together?" I shot that right down even though I thought it was funny and kinda cool. And right before I went to my room he starts singing "Mother Ashley had my children" and sings through the song but with my name. Oh my word I was dying and so was everyone else, it was so funny and I couldnt believe that some would be that clever to come up with that.

Lets just say it has been so much more fun with having Joe and Andrew in the group of friends. Andrew has also made tons of friends so they have also joined the group. I have had so much fun in this first week then I had over the whole school year last year. I have been somewhere off campus through driving everyday. I just love the group of friends I have this year and it is going to be so much fun.

I also (at the same time) miss all of my dear friends back home from church. I miss my hugs form Lindsey every moment of the day, the joking with Josh, I miss picking on Aaron and treating him like a little brother, I miss talking and laughing with Charissa and Gary, I miss having fun with Robyn, I miss having little conversations with Erik, I miss talking with Sara, Kier, Lindsay, and Ashley, I just miss everyone form the youth group and having fun friday nights. I know I have only been gone for a wednesday and friday night but it feels like I have been gone forever.

Caleb was talking to me over AIM and said that he wanted me to come home so we could play wii and play board games. I miss him so much I almost want to just go home for a day and see him then come back to life here.

My friend has offered to come form Harrisburg and get me if I wanted to come one weekend and get away form this life here. I was very surprised that he offered and also very happy that he did. We havent made any plans yet but in do time (and after he gets his new car which hopefully will be soon) I will be getting a ride from him home and it will be a fun and talkative ride at that.

BACK IN TWO WAYS

I want to let you all know that I am finally fully moved into my room and ready for classes to start. Actually not really ready for classes but oh well. I really did not want to come back this past week thinking about it just made me more unwanting to come back, but I came anyways. And now that I am here it is not that bad, I guess I just didnt want to leave my friends back home since I had so much fun over the summer. I will not be able to go home every weekend this year like I did last year, but I will be going home at least once every month (hopefully). And I will miss seeing all of my friends back home. I will hopefully be able to post again but dont know how the schedule will be.

Fireworks

We went to see the fireworks @ a local park and had fun waiting for them to start. Some church friends had a picnic after church so 10 minutes before the fireworks began they all walked down and joined us for the fireworks. After it was over they walked back and we passed them on our way out. And actually we were at the same pace as them because of the traffic. I have some pictures of the kids playing and of the fireworks.

Joshie and I

Joshie sitting and waiting

Caleb and Joshie running for the frizbee

Angela playing

more frizbee time

and more frizbee time.

We were there an hour before they were to go off.

Caleb and me drinking our slushies.

I love this Boy

I love this picture of angela

NOW FOR THE FIREWORKS

Caleb didnt like the loud fireworks.
neither did angela

Joshie was fine and had fun

Mega Sports Camp Pictures

Here are some of the pictures I got of the Mega Sports Camp we just had this week. Mega Sports is just like VBS but u learn more sports than the bible. The kids seem to love it and have lots of fun doing it.

Niccole and I testing out the freeze pops

We gotta make sure they are good for the Kids
Tammy checking out the brownies

The Cheerleaders practicing

Pastor Gary sporting a new look

Team Basketball

Team Cheerleading

Team Baseball

Team 4 & 5 year olds

Team Soccer

Pastor Gary giving the lesson for the day

The sound team plus Josh (who seemed to be more problem then help...j/k)Pastor Gary can be such a goof

Follow -Up

My friend Josh is out of the hospital and back home but he is very tired do to the meds they gave him. But I am glad that he is out and back home. He is off work this week and may be going back next week but is not sure yet. Just pray that he gets back to life quick cause it is bothering him big time that he doesnt feel like he can do anything.

Prayer Request

I have a simple prayer request. My friend Josh went into the hospital on Thursday because he was having really bad stomach pains. They found a blockage and are helping him get it all out. He had a tube that went down his throat that removed 4 buckets full of stuff that he had in him and today finally removed the tube and are waiting to see if things go back to normal. I went to visit with him today in the hospital and he looked fine just tired and a little malnourished cause he hadn't eaten since Tuesday. Just pray that he recovers quickly and gets out of there soon. He just went in to get help with the pain cause he couldn't get rid of the pain fast enough. The pure dude is bored sitting in the hospital with no one there with him and cant wait to get out and back to life. Just pray that he can get out with no problems and that everything is fine.

finally pics from dedication

The pictures are out of order sorry but I finally was able to upload them.

The younger youth eating.

The older youth eating
Everyone eating

Lindsay singing

the ribbon is cut

Pastor right before the ribbon was cut